In an extraordinary memoir Dani Elm, who lives in Swanage, Dorset, has laid bare her life before and after a devastating car accident in Wales, in which her four year old daughter Darcy sadly died, and she was left paralysed and unable to walk.
The book, which has just been published on Amazon, is called Our Last Steps, but far from a gloomy read, it is a compelling story of growing up in Swanage, becoming an entertainment rep in Majorca, falling in love, getting married to her husband Dan, giving birth to Darcy, and then learning to come back fighting after tragic loss.
Darcy sadly died when she was just four years old
“Writing everything down, step by step, has helped with the grief process”
All the money raised by the sale of the book will be divided between two charities, Swanage Carnival and the Welsh charity 2Wish.
Dani and her family have been involved with the Swanage Carnival ever since she was Carnival Queen at the age of 14 in 2002, and every year the event boosts the local economy while raising money for good causes.
The other charity 2Wish helps support those affected by the sudden and unexpected death of a child or young person, and it supported the family when they needed it most.
Speaking to Swanage.News Dani Elm said:
“I wanted to write a story with a happy ending – we’re hoping in the future to have a baby via surrogacy – but after my mother Mandy was diagnosed with cancer, I decided to do it now.
“I couldn’t imagine doing this without my mum’s support and input so I realised I just had to get on with it. I can’t remember anything about the car accident as I was in a come, so my mum has written that bit of the book for me in her own words.
“Writing everything down, step by step, has helped with the grief process – it’s as if it goes from your head onto the page, and when you stop writing, you can then close the book.
“I’m also hoping our story may be of help to someone out there who has experienced some of the things we have. There’s so much about spinal injury that I couldn’t find out about at the time – practical things like sex – see chapter seven!
“We’ve now got a life – Dan and I – which isn’t run by what happened in the past. And we’re still hopeful for the happy ending.”
Dani and Darcy helping out during Swanage Carnival – the photo which inspired the book cover
The book is available in hardback, paperback or as a Kindle edition from Amazon
Reorganised and adapted
Since the car accident, the story details how Dani has reorganised and adapted her life with a team of personal assistants, investigated the possibilities of surrogacy, stylishly redesigned a new home in the centre of Swanage to meet her needs, supported local good causes like Swanage Carnival through sponsorship, and not forgetting, she has released an army of Minions across the town!
As a creative person, Dani came up with the idea of painting pebbles as cartoon characters from the Minions film series and then hiding them around the local area for children (and big kids!) to discover.
The finder is then encouraged to post a photo on Dani’s Minions of Swanage Facebook page and then rehide the Minion for someone else to find.
There are now around 1,400 hidden in and around Swanage and the treasure hunt game has really taken off over the last few years and brought plenty of joy to many.
Writing in the book Dani said:
“I can’t be Dinky Dani who used to charge around anymore, but I have learnt to adapt and be the Dani who facilitates, making sure children have good reasons to smile. I know Darcy is smiling too.”
Happy times for Dan, Dani and Darcy
Mother and daughter in the marquee at Swanage Carnival
Heartfelt thank yous
Among the funny stories like when Dani dyed her hair red in the bathroom but the builder outside, seeing the waste water, thought someone had been murdered in the shower, there are inevitably some sad parts of the book.
Probably the bit that may bring a tear to the eye is all the heartfelt thank yous at the end of the book.
It really reinforces how much family, friends and a community like Swanage can really step up to the mark in a time of crisis to help each other.
A batch of Minions ready to be hidden during Swanage Lifeboat Week
Darcy’s memory lives on throughout their new home
“You can still have a good life; it’s just a different way of living”
Towards the end of the book, Dani writes:
“My life has been pretty grim, so I’m sure some people are better off than I am, so I feel like if I can do it, then other people can too. I’ve been at the bottom, and I don’t want anyone to get stuck down there. I’ve pulled myself out into a better way of thinking and a better life.
“The message I want to get across is that life goes on. Life will go on. You have to make the most of it and adapt to it in a different way, but you can still enjoy life. You can still have a good life; it’s just a different way of living, even after a devastating loss.”
Further information
- Buy the book Our Last Steps on Amazon
- Organisations that have helped Dani: Spinal Injuries Association which offers information and support, BackUp which helps people do things they never thought they’d be able to do again, like climbing mountains or skiing and the Spinal Cord Injuries Owners Club on Facebook, where people share advice and sell or donate equipment
- Follow the Minions of Swanage on Facebook
- More about the charities Swanage Carnival and 2Wish
- Support for people with depression or affected by bereavement can be accessed via The Focus Centre in the High Street, Swanage
